This story is shared in the Agunah’s own words and reflects her personal experiences. The views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions or positions of Get Jewish Divorce Justice.
The Decision to Leave
Two and a half years ago, I made the life-changing decision to separate from my former spouse. I took my three children and began divorce proceedings in civil court. At first, I was hesitant to bring up the Get, fearing that it would give my ex-husband leverage in an already acrimonious situation. I didn’t want him to know how much I wanted it, worried he’d use it against me.
Eventually, I did bring up the Get, but my ex-husband refused outright. “I will never give you a Get,” he said. Feeling trapped, I reached out to the Rabbinical Council of California (RCC) to open a case for a Get. Their response was disheartening: they wouldn’t get involved unless both parties were in agreement or until the civil divorce was finalized.
Seeking Support
Determined not to give up, I contacted ORA (Organization for the Resolution of Agunot), who referred me to Esther Macner. From our first conversation, Esther understood my situation without me having to explain much. She immediately began advocating on my behalf. She tried calling my ex-husband directly to reason with him, but he responded with hostility and hung up on her after cursing me out.
Esther explored all avenues—reaching out to his family, his family’s rabbis, and even a rabbi who had known him in high school. They all promised to help me receive my Get but only after the civil divorce was finalized. My ex-husband repeatedly insisted he would give me a Get “eventually,” but only if he got what he wanted in the civil divorcce.
Esther would have helped my lawyer negotiate with his lawyer and include legal jargon about the Get in the contracts they were drafting. However, my ex-husband was self-representing in court, leaving no lawyer on his end for Esther to approach.
One of my biggest fears was that my ex-husband would use the Get as leverage to change custody arrangements for our children. I had already been granted full custody, but I worried that pursuing the Get would shift focus away from what was best for the kids.
Finding Freedom Through Kiddushei Ta’ut
Esther suggested going to the International Beit Din (IBD) - I decided to pursue it. Dealing with the IBD was the most amazing experience.
When it was time to provide them with details of the disintegration of my marriage, I spoke with a social worker. I was able to share more comfortably. She was the one to ask me all the delicate questions. She took down the details of the abuse I suffered throughout my marriage
After gathering all the necessary data with the social worker, we set up a Zoom meeting with the rabbis so I wouldn’t have to fly in.
During our meeting, they asked me additional questions before determining that my case qualified for an annulment due to Kiddushei Ta’ut —a fraudulent marriage contract. They declared my marriage null and void, leaving me free from any halachic ties to my ex-husband.
The relief was overwhelming. For years, the unresolved Get weighed heavily on me, always lingering in the back of my mind. Now, I could finally let it go and breathe again. My ex-husband doesn’t know that I sought or received an annulment. He is now free to choose whether or not he will do the right thing after the civil divorce is finalized—but either way, I know I’ll be okay.
Lessons Learned
If there’s one message I could share with other Agunot, it’s this: Don’t give up. Surround yourself with people who genuinely support you—those who understand your needs without crossing boundaries or offering unsolicited advice.
Forget those who aren’t helpful, even if they mean well. There are truly good people out there who will show up when you need them most. Either God will lead you to them or lead them to you.
You know what’s best for you; trust yourself and keep going. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel—you will find your way forward.
